This blog is for moms written by a mom. It is to show what it is like in the life of a mom. The ups, downs, and everything in between. What I have to say may not be for everyone. It may offend some, and if it does I am sorry. You can choose to read what I have to say, or you can choose not to.
     I write things how I think them and how I talk. When something pops in my head I write it down, when I'm done with that thought I'm done, and I will move on to the next one. So, I'm going to warn you that my posts may be jumpy at times. I will try to make everything flow as well as I can.
     Let me start off telling you a bit about myself. I am a 26year old first time mom. I am married; coming up on 4 years. I have a degree in Early Childhood Development, and have worked with a wide age range of children for several years now. I live in a small two bedroom house in a small town in Missouri. My whole family, and my husband's family live in the area. Most importantly I have the world's best son. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. My husband's name is Josh. He is a high school graduate from another small town near by. He works in the fabrication department of a local large outdoor store. My son's name is Amadeus. He is 17 months old. He will most likely be called Ami in this blog. I have two dogs, and a cat. I have a mortgage that never gets paid on time, I have a car payment, and several maxed out credit cards. As you can see we are your average family, from your average town.
     My goal is to write a blog that shows that you that you're not alone. Their are other people who are dealing with the same type of issues you are. Finding people that are going through the same things I am has been a saving grace.
    My son has a rare lung disease. It is called Interstitial Lung Disease. He was diagnosed April 2011 at 7 months old. Ami was a normal baby until he was 3 months old. He got sick for the first time in November 2010 with pneumonia.Two weeks later in December 2010 he was hospitalized for the first time with RSV. He was in the hospital for 6 days and had a really hard time getting over it. In February 2011 the pediatrician realized that there was something more going on than just recurring respiratory illnesses. He had stopped gaining weight, and stopped curving on the growth chart. He was also showing signs of having pneumonia again. This began the long list of tests. He was tested for every lung/heart disease known to man. In April 2010 he was hospitalized again. His chest x-ray looked like he maybe leaking air into his chest cavity. We were introduced to a pulminologist for more tests. He was put under anesthesia  for the first time. It was finally a CT scan that showed the problem. Ami's lungs look like they have spider webs in them. The doctor explained to us that he had a lot of diseased and scared tissue in his lungs. Not in the airways or the air sacs, but the actual lung tissue it's self. He has had several diagnosis tests done to see which type of Interstitial Lung Disease (ILD) he has. He had seven different diagnosis tests done, being put under anesthesia for every one of them. He had two CT scans, a lung biopsy, two bronchial-alveolar lavages, an infant pulmonary functions test, and he got his tongue clipped in 2011. We've been through some shit. He is about to get his g button feeding tube next week. Surgery #2!!
     I am less than excited to be getting a feeding tube. I hate putting him through any kind of pain. I know that if I want him to thrive this is what has to be done. I have a feeling getting the feeding tube is going to be like my c-section. Scary as hell, painful, but now that it's over I wouldn't do it any other way. So next week I am going to be very pissy, especially Thursday, and I will be PMSing. Please pray for my husband.
     I had what I call "mommy freak out moments" the other day. I was laying in bed trying to shut my mind off and Ami kept popping in my head. I keep trying to think of ways to physically and mentally prepare for all of this. When all of a sudden I got really mad/sad/angry and decided that I was going to keep Ami in a bubble. No one was allowed to come over or near him. Everyone would wear a haz-mat suit and not touch him ever again. When I came back from crazy and realized where I was I about started crying. Am I crazy? Do I need to be committed?
     That's when I decided to start a blog. Because, I know I'm not the only mom ever to go crazy, even for just five seconds. Believe me my mom went to crazy town, and I've heard some stories about my mother in law. So I hope you enjoy my crazy, beautiful life.


I'm usually off in my own little world because, I like it better there.